I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
