I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
