ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
