he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
