Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
