Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
