he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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