just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
