Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
