yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
