My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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