I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
