You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
