i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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