i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
