It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
