the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
