you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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