i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
My ATM looks so different sober.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
