He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Randomize
