nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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