He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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