Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
God, I missed his penis.
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