i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
