FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I still donโt believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isnโt calling you back.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ๐๐๐๐
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