the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
