Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize