When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
