Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
