what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
