What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
