Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
