I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
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