I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
