yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
