The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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