He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
