bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Randomize
