i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
