So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
sarcasm needs its own font
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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