is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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