i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Randomize
