I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
