the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Randomize
