If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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