He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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