Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize