Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
