so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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