This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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