Tell her she can't have a vagina
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
