Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
