I smell stomach acid.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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