my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Randomize
