sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
