Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I cockslap morals
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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