did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
