Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
