I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
