time to smoke my breakfast
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
