It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
