How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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