so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
