Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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