OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize