she smelled like a LAN party
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
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