when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Randomize
