dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
