We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
