my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
