I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
